Monday, September 1, 2008

when sleep comes

I keep having anxiety dreams involving my ex-boyfriend John. Last night's version was that I found myself calling him, him answering, and me not having anything to say or wanting to say anything. In fact I couldn't remember why I called him and feeling completely horrified. There was so much hate and resentment in his voice. I woke up thinking it had actually happened.

Ryan thinks I should get rid of everything that reminds me of him. I agree, but I can't bring myself to erase two years of my life. It just seems wrong. I think I just need to deal with it and forgive him. Or something. Just the thought of him makes my chest tighten. We did not leave off on good terms.

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